Emotions and Love

It's no secret to those who know me that I am an emotional person.  Not in the sense that I can't control my emotions and I am unstable but that I anything I choose to do I allow my emotions to get involved.  As Buck and I have instantly became parents of two last May I have slowly learned just how strong my emotions can be and at times how confusing they can be too.

As a social worker and someone who has several years experience working with CPS and foster care system I know it.  It's like a part of me.  What I didn't know was how easy it was to fall in love with our kids and how everything that happens to them and/or in their case not only effects them but it effects us as family.  I always knew I could love kids but it took me by surprise at how easy it was to feel like a family, like they had been with us forever and how my heart got attached.  

Last night however I realized something....as much as I have been loving the kids in our home, making them part of our family I have missed an opportunity to love on their birth mom.  If I say I love others then that means I have to believe that people can change and that they will.  To be honest with you I find this very hard.  Everyday we are reminded of the hurt our little ones have because of choices others have made (their parents).  But I believe that they too change learn and be new people.  How do I encourage them?  How do I show them love too?  How do you love someone who hurt the little ones you have now fallen in love with?  I don't know.  I am struggling with this but one thing I do know....if our little ones are allowed to live with them again, I want to know that I did my best to encourage their mom and hopefully set her up for success.  And if they don't, I want her to have had the opportunity to know that we believe she can change.

So I ask you to join in prayer with me.  Prayer for all the kids in the family, prayer for the foster parents and prayer for their mom (that she will choose to make good decisions for her and her little ones and that she will be surrounded with people who encourage and love her).  It will not be easy for any of us.

And take time to be thankful for the people who never gave up on you and for the people who encourage you through life.  Not everyone is blessed to have such a support group.  And choose to be a blessing to those you meet!

Empower to Connect

Last weekend Buck and I went to a conference held at our church for adoptive and foster families.  I was excited about the conference because my favorite author/researcher on the topic of helping kids "from hard places" was going to be speaking.  I have read all of her material and have heard her speak before but this time I was more ready listen because we are in the trenches with kids from hard places all day every day.  It's not my job anymore, it's our life.

When it comes to research I am somewhat of a cynic considering it's hard to find good research and data.  However, Dr. Purvis is right on and flawless in her research methods.  So as a foster parent and someone who respects science and loves having good resources I thought I would share with you her resources.  If you are a foster/adoptive parent, know someone who is or just have a desire to love kids from hard places, please take some time to read, reread and reread this book.  And remember there is no child that God does not have an answer for, we must keep looking and show His mercies to each child and it will be hard!

Check these out and you will not be disappointed

The Connect Child  http://www.child.tcu.edu/Secondary%20Pages/Training_Books.htm

http://empoweredtoconnect.org/created-to-connect-study-guide/

Talk to me, Mami

So this week I don't think I have ever laughed so hard at anyone or anything.  Over the past few months our three year old has often said to me "talk to me."  We could be in the car driving home from school or to church, walking in the grocery store or even while watching a movie.  Each time I would stop what I was doing, turn off the tv or radio and talk to him.  I found it wonderful that he wanted me to talk to him!  

Well while looking at pictures the other day he was naming every one in our family, Papi, Tia, Hallie and the list goes on.  Every time he came to a picture of me he would say, "talk to me."  For a while I thought he didn't know my name so we would remind him "that's mami (pronounced ma mee)."  Well after a few times he would yell no "talk to me"  at which point we realized he thought my name was "Talk to Me."  I couldn't stop laughing!!!!

Since he has been in our home we have to remind him to talk and not to grunt or whine.  I would do this by getting down to his level, pointing to my chest and say "talk to me, I can only hear words, talk to me."  I guess in all of the reminders he just picked up that my name is "talk to me."  haha :)

 We debating correcting him but we have since decided to remind him that it's Mami.....but for now he calls me "talk to me, mami."  And then I always answer of course baby, mami would love to talk to you! 

I love our little ones!

Second Chances

Yesterday we had what CPS calls a permanency planning meeting.  We were unsure what exactly this meant and what was going to occur in the meeting.  We all went into this small room and they hashed out the case.  I went through many different emotions and thoughts during the two hour meeting.  On the way home while Buck and I were debriefing what went on we both realized something.  We talk about how we believe that people can change and that we all have been given second chances however, at times we don't act as though we truly believe this.

To be honest with you, 90% of the time we pray that our little ones' birth mother gets the help she needs and makes the changes she needs to and I believe she can.  But I found myself in this meeting almost rooting against her for a small time.  I wasn't wanting her to fail however I did think "I wonder if she can really do all of this they are asking."  I left with lots of questions, some concerns, and a deeper understanding of their birth mom.  She too is human, she too needs second chances, she too needs encouragement and people in her corner!

After sitting through this meeting I hope that we are able to encourage their mom better and that she knows we are in this together and not against her.  And that in the end her little ones (all of them, not just he ones here)  will be in the best place for them to grow and flourish.