Hard

After talking with some friends at church today I realized that there are some things about having little ones in the house that I miss out on.  I miss that I don't get to show everyone pictures of just how cute they are, that I have to be secretive about parts of their lives (which I know is for the best), that I can't talk about them on my facebook and call them by name and that there is no certainty about anything.  It's also hard to hear some of the questions and comments people say and it's hard not to let it bother me.  

But even as I sit here at write out this blog and the baby is in my arms and the oldest is giggling at a movie I know that this is bigger than me.  We are able to be a part of something that is not the norm.  And though my family is different than most it's beautiful to us.  So trust me when I say they are super cute, the best kids ever and though we don't know what each day holds we love them as if they are here forever.  I wouldn't want it any other way!

Blessings

So last week was crazy at our house but there is one thing that made it worth it!  The encouragement and people checking in on us.  Over the years friends have come and gone, I've made mistakes and been on the end of mistakes being made but one thing rang through this week.  No matter what there are people in our lives who choose to do life with us,  all the hurt, the pain, the good times and bad times.

I am also grateful for a great agency.  It's been a huge blessing to know that Buckner is on our side.  I really feel that they look out for the best interest of each little one and their families.  Along with that they choose great people to be apart of the Buckner family.  We have been blessed to have such a great person in our lives now.  She is the foster mom of the middle two boys in the family we are currently fostering.  It's so nice to have someone who understands our fears, hurts, and joy!

And last, our oldest just loves school.  And I love that he loves school and I am looking forward to the day he can come home and tell me how his day was and can answer my questions.  It's hard that he can't really talk to us but the smile on his face says it all!

Emotions

So this past month has been filled with many emotions- happiness, sadness,  confusion, tiredness, and excitement.  There has been death, broken relationships, new friendships, start of new adventures and many other events.  Each was real and effected me in different ways but I felt prepared.  Prepared in a sicne that many of these emotions I felt before or I felt prepared to handle.

However yesterday that came to a screeching hault. Though I cannot tell the details of the children's case I can say that yesterday I was heartbroken, scared, possesive and then I had some relief.  I am not sure I have ever felt emotions to the degree that I did yestersday.  I was worn out by the end of the day.  I have worked in and around the foster care system for 6 years and our agency did a great job in their preparation classes but nothing can prepare you for just how easy it is to fall in love with the children in your home.  And a result of this love that you have for them is bigger emotions (or at least it did for me).   Though yesterday left me worn out it alao a reminder of why we do what we do and that these little ones are worth fighting for.  And I know that I am not a "real" parent but I sure felt real emotions and pray that as long as they are here we can be the best "papi" and "mami" we can be.

Summer is over (well not the temps)

So school starts at the Baskin house tomorrow, Buck goes back to work! I can't believe it's time for the school year to start but I am so excited.  I am looking forward to walking the oldest to and from school along with staying home with the baby :)   Speaking of the baby she will turn 3 months old on Tuesday and of course we will have to have a cake in her honor.  She is full of energy, giggling, smiling and growing!!!!!  She has grown 4 inches and 5 pounds since we first got her placed with us.  She is such a joy!

I am hoping to find a group of stay at home moms so I won't feel so out of touch.  The one or two that I knew in my area have decided to go back to work and though I believe that me being home is what is best for our situation and with our little ones I am a little afraid of being disconnect with friends and what is going on outside of our house.  So luckily I have two little ones who love the car and enjoy being out doing things!  Just because I am a stay at home mom now doesn't mean we will stay at home!  (or least that's the plan as of now).

Please continue to pray for the little ones and their bio family.  We have had a great time getting to know them and getting to love on the whole family this summer.  And as school begins and schedules aren't as flexible we hope to still be able to love on them all.  What a blessing this summer has been for us!

August Already...

It's been a fast summer full of trips, laughter, learning, friends, family and much more.  The only thing we have missed out on this summer is sleep.  :) A year ago when we started this journey I had ideas of what it may feel/be like to have children/babies in our home but it's so much better than I imagined.  Yes, it may take us an extra 20 minutes to get out of the house and I get 3 hours less sleep a day but it doesn't compare to the blessings we get.  I am so grateful that God has allowed us to be apart of these children's life and for them being in ours.  Here are just a few of the fun things we did this summer.....swimming, Ranger games, playing at the park, chuck e cheese (which by the way was the worst pizza), reading together, learning to smile and laugh (the baby of course), the circus, traveling to see family and lots and lots of laughing!!!

It hasn't been without it's hard times.  We have also had many tears, time outs, fits, being ran away from, and communication difficulties.

As we wind down our summer I am looking forward to school starting.  Our oldest will be going to school for half a day and the littlest one and I will be hanging out the house have lots of girl talk!  And as strange as it may sound I look forward to back to school shopping for the boys in the house, parent/teacher meetings, school trips, making school lunches, signing notes and all that goes with having a child in school.   So as August arrives I am both saddened that a great summer is coming to an end yet excited about the next journey we get to take with our little ones.