Last year October during a soccer practice for one of our little ones placed with us I was watching the kids play. At this time we had four little ones placed with us and for a reason I cannot remember I had all four of them at a practice. Usually Buck did soccer practice and I stayed at home with the other three or we would all go. However on this rare circumstance I was there with the kids. I remember thinking how much we were having and how I knew that two of the kids would soon be living with their grandmother. Buck and I were happy about that for them and believed it was the best thing for those two. Then as I watched the kids play I began to think about the fate of the other two little ones. For these two their future was uncertain. Buck and I were certain though that we wanted them to be a part of our family. CPS had led us to believe this was a possibility, that this is what they wanted too. I knew there were still some unknowns but these kids had captured my heart.
I began to pray. I asked God for peace, for clarity and selfishly for the kids to become part of our family. As I continued to pray for the future of the little ones and watched the soccer teams practice on a beautiful fall day where the sun was shining and there were very few clouds in the sky I saw a rainbow. Immediately I felt a peace, I felt like God was reminding me that His promises are true and that I could rest in him and give him my worries. It was overwhelmingly wonderful and overwhelmingly strange because things like this rarely happen to me. And I cannot remember ever having a visible sign from God like this before. It was such reassurance.
Time went by, one set of siblings returned to their grandmother mid November and then in what can only be explained as getting hit in the throat (it comes from no where and it takes you breath away and still hurts days later) court date the other two went home to their mom. Buck and I cried, we felt lied to by CPS, we felt confused by what we thought God was telling us, and mostly we were sad. Sad to not be able to wrap our arms around these little ones, to not know how they were doing and know if they are being taught about God's love and promises.
Time went by and we worked through the circumstances and began to foster again (after a two month break). Our next placement was a five month old baby who was only with us a week. I felt as though it was a nice way to ease back in. He was a lucky little guy who ended up going to a good home. But once he left it brought up all those emotions from our court date and the little ones I feel as though we lost. So yesterday I was praying again about the future of those precious babies. I cried because I missed them, because I wanted to know how they were doing, because I wanted hug them.
And again, as I was praying I see a rainbow-the fullest, brightest, and longest one I have ever seen. At first I was thinking what does this mean. Does is mean, they are coming back, does this mean God will soon give us word on how they are doing, does it mean that we will get new little ones soon that we will fall in love with just as much or does it mean......As you see, at first it didn't calm me down.
But then I realized, God's promises are true and are meant to bring comfort. So what I can hold on to it that no matter where those little ones are God knows them, he sees them, he will be with them. And in that I can see the beauty in the rain. I may miss them, but I know that Jesus loves the little children and they cannot be in better hands than in His.