I love October..fall weather, leaves, perfect camping weather, hoodies, the fair, and of course the beginning of the holiday season (well at least the planning part). It's almost as if you get a new start as we finish up the year.
I have had some friends ask why I haven't updated in a while but to be honest...life happens. Our kids' cases have gotten messy and we need to be super careful about what is said. I do ask for prayers not only for our little ones but for those who are making big decisions that will affect them in a big way.
Though the past few months have been hard at our house, we are not the only ones. Life has been messy for many of our friends and for the first time I have lived in the DFW area I believe I truly know what it means when Jesus tells us to "mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice." We have been blessed with a great group of friends who we have been able to do life together. We have celebrated birthdays, weddings, new jobs, new children and we've mourned the loss of jobs, a loss of a baby and other family members together. And together it's been made the messiness of life beautiful!
So to my book club friends and my church family I thank you. Thank you for letting us do life with you and doing life with us. I am grateful and feel blessed as we continue to do life together.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Hard Week- Big Blessings
I would be lying if I said anything but this week was hard. Everyone cried, everyone yelled, everyone was tired and everyone was ready for the long weekend.
School started this week and we were all excited. Backpacks were packed, first day of clothes were super cute and we drove to school all smiles. Then one of the schools called and for the second time we needed to change the school one of the little ones was registered at (long story but we are happy now). And it began to unfold from there. Every appointment we had made was changed, every family visit was on a different day, every time I tried to clean up something I created another mess, and our oldest who has a difficult time with change anyway was having a hard time with his behavior. The kids' cases are also in the midst of big decisions which affect us and the little ones. On top of that I spent many hours in the car too---therapy, doctors appointments, etc.
I remember looking at Buck on Wednesday night and saying "I can't remember the last time I ate a full meal or when I took a bath" I realize I should have done better and I realize that eating and bathing are both super important but honestly if I remembered to get out of my pajamas last week to make it to school on time I felt successful.
On Thursday I took some time to cry it out and I decided to have a better rest of the week. I would like to say that things got easier but well they didn't. However, I felt better. When I took time to look at the blessings and when some good friends rallied around us life's hard times felt much better.
Next week I will remember to eat, and I will take baths :). I will continue to need the help of my friends and family. And though I can't expect it to get easier as we add soccer and dance to the mix, my attitude will be better because I am grateful for blessings of friends who are letting us borrow a big car because we don't all fit in one of our cars, for the phone calls of people checking in on us, for promised of outings with friends next week, for a good long chat with my former youth pastor, for my mom and her pep talks and suggestions, for my sister listening to me whine, for my husband understanding I was overwhelmed and for four great kids that God is allowing us to be a part of their life story whether it be short term or long term!
School started this week and we were all excited. Backpacks were packed, first day of clothes were super cute and we drove to school all smiles. Then one of the schools called and for the second time we needed to change the school one of the little ones was registered at (long story but we are happy now). And it began to unfold from there. Every appointment we had made was changed, every family visit was on a different day, every time I tried to clean up something I created another mess, and our oldest who has a difficult time with change anyway was having a hard time with his behavior. The kids' cases are also in the midst of big decisions which affect us and the little ones. On top of that I spent many hours in the car too---therapy, doctors appointments, etc.
I remember looking at Buck on Wednesday night and saying "I can't remember the last time I ate a full meal or when I took a bath" I realize I should have done better and I realize that eating and bathing are both super important but honestly if I remembered to get out of my pajamas last week to make it to school on time I felt successful.
On Thursday I took some time to cry it out and I decided to have a better rest of the week. I would like to say that things got easier but well they didn't. However, I felt better. When I took time to look at the blessings and when some good friends rallied around us life's hard times felt much better.
Next week I will remember to eat, and I will take baths :). I will continue to need the help of my friends and family. And though I can't expect it to get easier as we add soccer and dance to the mix, my attitude will be better because I am grateful for blessings of friends who are letting us borrow a big car because we don't all fit in one of our cars, for the phone calls of people checking in on us, for promised of outings with friends next week, for a good long chat with my former youth pastor, for my mom and her pep talks and suggestions, for my sister listening to me whine, for my husband understanding I was overwhelmed and for four great kids that God is allowing us to be a part of their life story whether it be short term or long term!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
What a month it has been...
So much to update on that I am not sure where to begin so let's start with the oldest child in our home.
Thanks so much to everyone who has been praying and checking on our the oldest little one. His behavior is slowly getting better. His tantrums are not nearly as long and the intensity of the tantrums are not has high either. We are using some new techniques coupled with a few other things. It's taken a team of professionals and friends/family but we are so thankful. We are able to enjoy more of the day and see his little personality emerge now that he is not so angry all the time, for this we are grateful.
In the midst of having to help our oldest I felt as though we were not giving his sister as much attention as I thought she needed. It was hard to play with her and help keep the oldest safe from his own actions. But with less tantrums she is getting more time with us. She is truly one of the funniest little divas ever. She loves her princess clothes and at age four can pick up on sarcasm and appropriately return it. She is so full of life. What a joy it has been to get to see her shine. Her new favorite thing is to declare it "dance time" and we turn on a record, yes I said record and we all dance, even Buck. I have had to let my inner girliness come out (it's usually hidden) with her but it's totally been worth every minute.
Also many of you may know by now that our first two little ones are now back with us so were are a family of 6 now-with lots of dirt, snotty noses, going everywhere in two cars, lots and lots of laundry and well lots and lots of energy. The first few days were hard. Buck and I both felt mixed reactions about them being back in care. We are saddened for their mom and hate she is having such a rough time. We felt this go around that a friend was hurting and it was harder to hear all the details. On the other hand what a joy these little ones are to everyone they meet. Always smiling, using manners, and loving people. The only issue is that the baby will not let anyone else hold her....she loves Buck and Buck only and well she could take or leave me. :) I do think she is getting better but she still is wanting him a lot.
Once again thank you to all our friends and family who not only have been praying for us but who have checked in on us or dropped off clothes, a meal, a mattress, money for princess curtains, etc. Buck and I may look tired and we may have forgotten to properly thank you but we do. We CANNOT do this with out you all. And we love you all jumping in our mess so it doesn't feel so messy!
Thanks so much to everyone who has been praying and checking on our the oldest little one. His behavior is slowly getting better. His tantrums are not nearly as long and the intensity of the tantrums are not has high either. We are using some new techniques coupled with a few other things. It's taken a team of professionals and friends/family but we are so thankful. We are able to enjoy more of the day and see his little personality emerge now that he is not so angry all the time, for this we are grateful.
In the midst of having to help our oldest I felt as though we were not giving his sister as much attention as I thought she needed. It was hard to play with her and help keep the oldest safe from his own actions. But with less tantrums she is getting more time with us. She is truly one of the funniest little divas ever. She loves her princess clothes and at age four can pick up on sarcasm and appropriately return it. She is so full of life. What a joy it has been to get to see her shine. Her new favorite thing is to declare it "dance time" and we turn on a record, yes I said record and we all dance, even Buck. I have had to let my inner girliness come out (it's usually hidden) with her but it's totally been worth every minute.
Also many of you may know by now that our first two little ones are now back with us so were are a family of 6 now-with lots of dirt, snotty noses, going everywhere in two cars, lots and lots of laundry and well lots and lots of energy. The first few days were hard. Buck and I both felt mixed reactions about them being back in care. We are saddened for their mom and hate she is having such a rough time. We felt this go around that a friend was hurting and it was harder to hear all the details. On the other hand what a joy these little ones are to everyone they meet. Always smiling, using manners, and loving people. The only issue is that the baby will not let anyone else hold her....she loves Buck and Buck only and well she could take or leave me. :) I do think she is getting better but she still is wanting him a lot.
Once again thank you to all our friends and family who not only have been praying for us but who have checked in on us or dropped off clothes, a meal, a mattress, money for princess curtains, etc. Buck and I may look tired and we may have forgotten to properly thank you but we do. We CANNOT do this with out you all. And we love you all jumping in our mess so it doesn't feel so messy!
Friday, July 20, 2012
Out of Control
In my 6 ish years of working a licensed social worker I have ran into several crisis situations and kids/youth from tough places dealing with tough things. Never have I felt scared, uneasy or at a loss of ideas. This all come to a screeching halt two weeks ago. For some back story Buck and I currently are fostering two little ones. They have been living with us for 4 months (as of tomorrow). They are talkative, full of energy and have great imaginations.
As the months have past we started to have some severe anger show from the oldest (a boy). I remember thinking no big deal, we know how to handle this. After many trial and errors nothing was working. His tantrums became worse and would last longer. Our agency was so encouraging--calling and checking on us, providing more training and helping us locate a great therapist. Here and there we would have a day where the fits were not so long and we would feel that we had made some progress.
Four weeks ago the fits/tantrums began to escalate fast, last long (about 3 hours or longer) and we were slowly losing control. We were having two or three a day. We could not pin point the reasons for the fit-they weren't consistent and the escalation would happen fast, many times with no warning. There was nothing that seemed to work and believe me we tried everything and read lots of research and it was not working. At one point during a fit I was so unsure of what to do I just prayed. He stopped long enough to thank me for praying for him then picked back up. This did give me a little chuckle :)
Two weeks ago while I was at work I get a phone call that he had ran away. I was so scared. He's so little and has no survival skill-what if we couldn't find him. I pretty sure this is the first time I felt sheer panic in my life. Luckily we found him and he calmed down and went to sleep. However when he woke up it began the longest day of my life. I cannot remember what caused him to begin to throw a tantrum but it started about 9 in the morning and at 2 that afternoon we finally decided (with a team of professional help) that taking him to a pysch hospital was the best.
I must explain to you though how the tantrum felt. As I watched him yell, scream, roll around in the grass, hit the windows, throw the patio chairs etc...I felt helpless. It was like something had taken over his body. He didn't even take time to breath. I often would remind him to take a breath. I was scared.
As we arrived at the hospital you are wanting to get help, wanting someone to acknowledge you are doing your best. Well luckily this happened. The admissions counselor was cold but the doctor we met with was so encouraging to us. I was relieved to hear him speak to us but can someone explain to me that while we are in a room with a screaming child who is not stopping, who is running into the walls that we have to wait for 6 hours. That's right it took 6 hours for us to get seen and to get admitted into the hospital. Ridiculous!!!
Once in the staff was helpful. When I got back to the car after saying our goodbyes. I lost it. I cried the whole way home, tears of relief, of pain, of hope, of sadness for him, of exhaustion. I couldn't remember the last time I ate or how I was going to sleep knowing he was there.
In the few days he was in the hospital I was able to get some sleep and take time to see the good. I was reminded that he is a little boy with big hurst, not just an angry child. While talking through the events that night, I remember Buck asking how did I stay calm. I was thinking-I didn't day calm, my insides were racing. But even though I was scared and felt panic there was a strength that only God can provide to keep going. This is the only explanation.
And to end this rather long post...I cannot get into the details of their case but please pray for them. Also for all you parents out there....love on your kids, give them hugs, acknowledge they exist! The power of human touch when you are young is soooo huge! Oh and he is doing better. He is not well but better. And well, we have gotten some rest and are ready to keep in this battle for him and his future.
As the months have past we started to have some severe anger show from the oldest (a boy). I remember thinking no big deal, we know how to handle this. After many trial and errors nothing was working. His tantrums became worse and would last longer. Our agency was so encouraging--calling and checking on us, providing more training and helping us locate a great therapist. Here and there we would have a day where the fits were not so long and we would feel that we had made some progress.
Four weeks ago the fits/tantrums began to escalate fast, last long (about 3 hours or longer) and we were slowly losing control. We were having two or three a day. We could not pin point the reasons for the fit-they weren't consistent and the escalation would happen fast, many times with no warning. There was nothing that seemed to work and believe me we tried everything and read lots of research and it was not working. At one point during a fit I was so unsure of what to do I just prayed. He stopped long enough to thank me for praying for him then picked back up. This did give me a little chuckle :)
Two weeks ago while I was at work I get a phone call that he had ran away. I was so scared. He's so little and has no survival skill-what if we couldn't find him. I pretty sure this is the first time I felt sheer panic in my life. Luckily we found him and he calmed down and went to sleep. However when he woke up it began the longest day of my life. I cannot remember what caused him to begin to throw a tantrum but it started about 9 in the morning and at 2 that afternoon we finally decided (with a team of professional help) that taking him to a pysch hospital was the best.
I must explain to you though how the tantrum felt. As I watched him yell, scream, roll around in the grass, hit the windows, throw the patio chairs etc...I felt helpless. It was like something had taken over his body. He didn't even take time to breath. I often would remind him to take a breath. I was scared.
As we arrived at the hospital you are wanting to get help, wanting someone to acknowledge you are doing your best. Well luckily this happened. The admissions counselor was cold but the doctor we met with was so encouraging to us. I was relieved to hear him speak to us but can someone explain to me that while we are in a room with a screaming child who is not stopping, who is running into the walls that we have to wait for 6 hours. That's right it took 6 hours for us to get seen and to get admitted into the hospital. Ridiculous!!!
Once in the staff was helpful. When I got back to the car after saying our goodbyes. I lost it. I cried the whole way home, tears of relief, of pain, of hope, of sadness for him, of exhaustion. I couldn't remember the last time I ate or how I was going to sleep knowing he was there.
In the few days he was in the hospital I was able to get some sleep and take time to see the good. I was reminded that he is a little boy with big hurst, not just an angry child. While talking through the events that night, I remember Buck asking how did I stay calm. I was thinking-I didn't day calm, my insides were racing. But even though I was scared and felt panic there was a strength that only God can provide to keep going. This is the only explanation.
And to end this rather long post...I cannot get into the details of their case but please pray for them. Also for all you parents out there....love on your kids, give them hugs, acknowledge they exist! The power of human touch when you are young is soooo huge! Oh and he is doing better. He is not well but better. And well, we have gotten some rest and are ready to keep in this battle for him and his future.
Friday, July 6, 2012
So good news!!!! Our first set of foster kids moved about 15 minutes from us. Buck and I were able to visit them this week and it was good. It was good to hug their necks, kiss their faces and to see how well they are doing. It was good to know that their mom was doing the best she can and was really trying to do her best for her kids. It was good to see happiness.
When we arrived to the home, the boys ran out and hugged us were so excited to see us. Daisy was still asleep so we didn't really get to see her for a while. Our current kids ran around and played outside with all the boys while I stayed inside and chatted with their mom. We had a great talk and I shared with her how we were still on her team and that we are still here to encourage and help when we can. She was grateful.
The best part of the day was when we were leaving, David put on his shoes and thought he was going to get to go with us somewhere and Daisy hugged Buck's neck and squeezed his cheek next to hers. She would not let go. So sweet. As happy as we are they are with their mom it was good to know that they still remember us and enjoy us too! What a blessing!
When we arrived to the home, the boys ran out and hugged us were so excited to see us. Daisy was still asleep so we didn't really get to see her for a while. Our current kids ran around and played outside with all the boys while I stayed inside and chatted with their mom. We had a great talk and I shared with her how we were still on her team and that we are still here to encourage and help when we can. She was grateful.
The best part of the day was when we were leaving, David put on his shoes and thought he was going to get to go with us somewhere and Daisy hugged Buck's neck and squeezed his cheek next to hers. She would not let go. So sweet. As happy as we are they are with their mom it was good to know that they still remember us and enjoy us too! What a blessing!
It's been crazy here the past few weeks. But I wanted to take some time to say thanks to a great foster care agency. We have had some difficult behaviors at our house and we were trying all we could do to help manage them. To be honest it was hard to leave the house because we never knew when there would be a melt down or when someone might get hit.
However Buckner heard our hearts and ran to the rescue. They took time to encourage us and give us extra training on what to do. We finally got a diagnosis that made sense and a game plan. I cannot explain the peace I now have and how much calmer our house feels. I know that it will take time and that we are not going to be perfect at this every time, but I am glad to have the tools to help love, teach and care for a little boy who is scared and angry and doesn't know what to do with all those emotions.
Thanks!
However Buckner heard our hearts and ran to the rescue. They took time to encourage us and give us extra training on what to do. We finally got a diagnosis that made sense and a game plan. I cannot explain the peace I now have and how much calmer our house feels. I know that it will take time and that we are not going to be perfect at this every time, but I am glad to have the tools to help love, teach and care for a little boy who is scared and angry and doesn't know what to do with all those emotions.
Thanks!
Friday, June 22, 2012
What a month we have had at our house. Our little ones are still with us and their emotions have just gotten bigger. To be honest it is sometimes hard to stay calm in the midst of the anger our little ones are showing. I know it's not completely their fault and I know that they have not been taught what's right and what's wrong however it's hard to remember that if you are being hit, yelled at or even bitten :) I find myself tired a lot more. It's not the emotions or the behavior that is tiring but to constant need to have to be one step ahead or having to be ready to de-escalate at any time or to walk one of them through what to do with their anger.
I am overwhelmed with sadness for them and wish that their healing process wouldn't have to take to so long (for them and for us). And I am sad that they have valid reasons to be angry. A lot has happened in their little lives.
However, Buck and I were able to talk to their grandmother yesterday and for the first time I had a peace. I was able to hear more of their story and know that they do have a family member in their corner who has chosen to make better decisions. It the midst of all the junk these little ones have to deal with it, it was a nice reminder of the healing power that God provides.
Also what a blessing it is to have such a good family and friends who don't get freaked out when we have a 2 hour yelling fit at our house or if something goes flying in the house. It's a welcomed comfort to know that they will still love on these little ones and even give us a break from time to time (yay to mom who listened to a screaming fit so we didn't have too). You guys make what we do easier!
And though it can be a zoo around here it makes it all worth it when you see a smile or you finally get a thank you or even an "I love you" at bedtime. We are doing life together; what a blessing!
I am overwhelmed with sadness for them and wish that their healing process wouldn't have to take to so long (for them and for us). And I am sad that they have valid reasons to be angry. A lot has happened in their little lives.
However, Buck and I were able to talk to their grandmother yesterday and for the first time I had a peace. I was able to hear more of their story and know that they do have a family member in their corner who has chosen to make better decisions. It the midst of all the junk these little ones have to deal with it, it was a nice reminder of the healing power that God provides.
Also what a blessing it is to have such a good family and friends who don't get freaked out when we have a 2 hour yelling fit at our house or if something goes flying in the house. It's a welcomed comfort to know that they will still love on these little ones and even give us a break from time to time (yay to mom who listened to a screaming fit so we didn't have too). You guys make what we do easier!
And though it can be a zoo around here it makes it all worth it when you see a smile or you finally get a thank you or even an "I love you" at bedtime. We are doing life together; what a blessing!
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