National Foster Care Month Post 2

I cannot take credit for this article but it spoke to me heart.  As we near our first mother's day (then soon father's day) with children who are forever ours I sometimes wonder how these tough conversations will go with our kids.

My Eyes are the Wrong Color

Scripture: Romans 8:14-17

  

"My eyes are the wrong color." I sat staring into the beautiful blue eyes of my 4-year old daughter as she explained to me that mom's eyes were brown, dad's green and hers blue. Even the dog had brown eyes ---- none matched hers. We never hid from her the fact that she was adopted; it was part of her story from the beginning. At the time, it was difficult for her to completely understand how all the pieces fit together to form our family.

  

Many Christians have never given much thought to their spiritual adoption. We like the idea of being a part of God's family, but I fear a level of misunderstanding about what this picture really means for us today. For our society, adoption is mostly for the benefit of the child. Today, children become eligible for adoption due to crisis in the lives of their birth families. In the first century, this was not the case.

  

If we go back to the time of the writing of Romans, Paul is addressing a largely non-Jewish crowd. Rome is the legal center of the known world, so when Paul used adoption terminology they would have had an understanding of his intent. When Roman couples did not have an heir, they would adopt a slave (normally a son) for very specific reasons. The first was so that they could have an heir, the second was so that someone would be there to bury them and grieve for them, and the third was to have someone to carry on the family business.

  

So, when Paul writes that we have received "adoption to sonship," (Romans 8:15b NIV) the culture and context of the book of Romans would imply that there are obligations that go along with this.

  

For the Christian, we have been spiritually adopted ---- becoming co-heirs with Christ. We have left the family of death and destruction in order that we might carry on the name and the business of the Father. In other words, we were not saved for our own benefit ---- although we have and will benefit more from this than any other decision we will ever make in our lives ---- but for the benefit of the Father. We are to carry on His name and work throughout our life. This is the theology of adoption.

  

In case you're wondering just what work we need to be carrying on, I might suggest the following two parables of Jesus as a great starting point. The first is the parable of the Prodigal Son ---- the restoration of relationships; both earthly and heavenly. The second is the Good Samaritan ---- meeting the needs of those who are hurting.

  

My daughter, now a teenager, has come to grips with her different eye color. She understands how God used the vehicle of adoption to build our family and how family goes way beyond physical similarities. Through our experiences, our entire family has learned of the grace and love of our Heavenly Father who desperately seeks a relationship with us. An adoptive relationship.

  

David Ummel is the administrator for Buckner Children and Family Service in East Texas. He and his wife, Shannon, are the parents of Lauren and Luke. They do their best to go to Disney World every year.

National Foster Care Awareness Month

May is national foster care awareness month.  While sitting outside watching my littles play I got an email from Buckner International reminding me about it and asking me to pray for kids in care.  Here was their requests for today 

Prayer Guide: 

Pray for greater understanding of the Scripture's teaching on the concept of adoption as a picture of the gospel. 

  

Pray for the biological families of children in foster care. Pray that they would have strength and courage to take necessary steps so that reunification would be possible.

As I began to think through Buckner's prayer requests I thought what would mine be?  What would I really want others to understand about the kids we love, the work we have be called to do and the little ones we currently have adopted and to the future kids we may adopt or serve for a short time on our home. So here is my shameless plug for foster care and adoption (specifically adoption through CPS care).

1.  HELP!!!!  Pray on how you can help.  Whether that means becoming a foster parent yourself, giving your money, time and resources to kids in care, or coming alongside a family who is fostering and loving them.  Buck and I have said this many times and I will keep saying it, we cannot do this alone.  It takes a team.  The kids may live in our house but it's others time, resources, babysitting, and prayers that allows us to keep going.  If you don't know how to help just ask!  Foster parents in general are pretty vocal so we will let you know.  And sometimes (at least for me) I just need a nap, or some clothes for a new placement and who doesn't love shopping for kid clothes!

2. Pray for a compassion. So people judge.  I get that it's a part of life you have to learn to deal with.  And I have been judged on many things....who I vote or didn't vote for, what movies I like, how I dress (I hate to wear shoes ever), how I clean (we are a clutter crew at my house), etc....but I have never felt more judged that when I became a parent.  Everyone has a way that is best or know what is better.  And while I hope you choose to not judge all parents please do not judge us as foster parents.  Kids do not always fit a mold which means parenting looks different.  We are trying our best to love someone else's kids as our own, and to teach them what being part of a family is like and most importantly that God loves them.  So unless we ask for your opinion or you think you know what's best...I refer you back to my first request....help (ask how you can help).  Being a mom and dad is hard no matter how the kids got to your home (birth, adoption, CPS, raising a family members child, etc) let's not make it harder on each other.  

Also please pray for compassion for our kids and do not judge where they come from, where their parents come from or did and how they act.  Pray how to love our and all foster kids through their circumstances.  The last thing they need is someone judging them for things out of their control.

3.  And lastly (and maybe it should have been first)...Pray for each child in care and the family they represent.  There is never an easy reason a child is in care.  Sometimes the tiniest of people have to deal with the biggest of circumstances.  Pray for their hearts to feel love, to feel cared for, to feel safety and to know God's love.  Pray for their families they too have big hurts and hand ups as well.  

So I ask you to join me in prayer for all foster children, foster families, and those who are making the decisions in their lives (CPS workers, judges, foster care workers, etc) during this month of National Foster Care awareness and always.

*If you every suspect a child is being neglected or abused please call the National Child Abuse hotline  1.800.4.A.CHILD (1.800.422.4453) or online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/responding/how.cfm

Spring Break Lesson

So this Spring break started off with taking family pictures.  I know this is a normal thing that many families do, however I found it a pure joy to be able to take these pictures. Our photographer was/is amazing and she worked with us to truly capture our family and the journey that brought us together.  And like anything in our family we share with the whole family.  My parents, niece and sister were all out there to help us bring smiles; it was cold but fun!

After pictures we went to watch a friend play softball.  Her grandparents and sister were there to watch as well.   It was fun to catch up and enjoy being together.

Next was a wedding celebration for a cousin of Buck's.  The kids played with their cousins, ran around the house and it was a time of prayer, celebration and just joy.

The middle of the week was miserable with a stomach bug....

Then the weekend came again and this time we spent it with Buck's family celebrating a birthday.  Again the kids played, kissed and hugged each other, giggled and enjoyed being together.  I love hearing them laugh and wanting to be with each other, so much there were tears when we had to leave.

So why the update....as I was looking through our proofs of the pictures I think it was the first time I truly sat back and look at us as a family.  We do not look like each other, but Niki does have my smile and Baby J drums on everything and sings all the time like Buck.  I love that these kids are our normal.  I love how their personalities fit with us, our extended family and friends.  I love how no matter where we are they seem to bring joy.  I love celebrating their differences from us but seeing how they are just like us as well.  I love how our friends and family (well most of them) didn't question this foster care adoption journey and embraced it.  What a beautiful story for our kids!

I know there will be hard times for our kids.  I know that people will questions us like the lady a few weeks ago in JC Penny's who questioned me if I was really baby J's mom.  I know that our kids will have kids who ask them questions, but for now I am grateful for the love they are receiving and pray that in the hard times, Buck and I will have the words to say, compassion when listening and that Niki and Baby J will be able look around and remember just how much their family and our friends love them.

I wonder too that if we take more time with others loving them even when we disagree, we listen with compassion to others and enjoy being with others that we then show a true example of Christ love for all.  Honestly I don't have this down, I still have people I have a hard time loving (whether it was something they did to me to said about someone else, etc).  Seeing how the kids this week didn't ask questions they just played with each other and laughed makes me want a little more of that in my life.  Here's to me trying harder to love like Christ loves me, my kids and all and may I remember the smiles and laughs when things get hard.

Being a Parent

As I sit here in my empty house (babies at Mothers Day Out and husband is at work) I find myself reading trough Facebook and Blogs.  It's been a little overwhelming at the least.  Everyone has an opinion on everything and especially when it comes to raising little ones.  As I read through the blogs and post I thought about many of the things others have said to us as we have began our family.  Here are a few...

• If you love your kids you will home school them or put them in private school
• If you love your kids and Jesus you will vote Republican 
• Now that you have adopted you need to stop doing foster care so you can really love your children
• You adopted from CPS, wouldn't a "regular" adoption have less baggage?
• Spanking is the best 
• Never spank your kids
• Let your babies cry it out
• Don't let them cry it out
• Etc...

Like I said everyone has an opinion on everything.  It can make you crazy or make you feel you don't know what you are doing as a parent, or even as a human.  Please let me be clear that I do believe there are some absolute truths and right and wrongs.  I do however feel that each child, family, situation is different and for others to say that if you love your children you will...well its harsh, rude and just plain mean.  Come on raising kids is hard enough with out all the other voices telling you what you are doing wrong. 

How about a "hey you are doing great and your kids look so happy!"  Because I know after a day when my now 18 month old forgets how to sleep and I am so tired and my 21 month old decides he wants to throw food while we are at a restaurant while screaming and drumming on everything, a kind word is better than "I bet you could get him to stop throwing food if you would...."  

So a few confessions from this mom... sometimes my house is messy; we sometimes never get out of our jammies; I love Jesus; I want my children to love and know him; we play outside when it's cold and sometimes when it's wet; we are often loud; we love our public school system; I read to my kids; I wrestle with and kiss them a lot; we sing and dance randomly during the day; I let them cry sometimes and other times I don't; sometimes my kids make me cry; we love being foster parents and adopting from care; we make mistakes;  and we need help sometimes. 

So to all you moms and dads out there who struggle with if you are doing the right thing or not here is my two cents.  You are doing a good job (believe me as foster parents we know the difference).  I know it's hard!  I pray that we will all take time to be more encouraging this next year!

2013 at the Baskin house

It's hard for me to put into words what the 2013 year was for our family.  We had both highs and lows in our lives and in the lives of our friends and family.  We learned a lot about hurt, healing, forgiving and joy.  

And that joy is what brings me to heart of the blog.  I debated wether to share this article or not since it was written about us and that seems a little less than humble.  However the author, John Hall, was able to capture for us what it means to be a foster and adoptive family to us and just what we believe God wants from all of us as we love others and as He would want.  

John is an employee of Buckner and wrote this for the January issue of the Common Call magazine (formerly known as the Baptist Standard).   He is much more eloquent than I ever could be.  I wish I could show you the pictures in the article as well but I do not have copies of them yet.  I promise to share when I get them.  But I will share these two from Niki's adoption day as we were surrounded by friends and family (the big group picture will come later once big brother is officially a Baskin as well).

Family: Where healing happens

By John Hall

MESQUITE, Texas -- Introductions are unnecessary at the Baskin home. Who you are, where you've been and what you have or have not done doesn't matter here. Everyone is welcome.

They're more than that. They're family.

That's the attitude the young couple has taken as they've helped vulnerable children as foster parents through Buckner International, a Texas-based ministry that strengthens the lives of children and families. In the past two years, eight foster children have been placed in the Baskins' care. Buck and Stephanie easily recall the kids' names and the stories. Photos of the children still dot the the family's home, daily reminders to continue to pray for those who have been in their care and for those who are now caring for the beloved children.

Holding a framed photo of an elementary-school-aged child, Stephanie says each kid who comes to the house is unique. They have specific needs. They're in the Baskins' care for a short period. The couple does the best it can to invest their lives into the children and the families. That's what they're called to do.

"Jesus got dirty," said Stephanie, an East Texas Baptist University graduate. "He got in there with the people. I wanted something more hands on where I could jump in the lives of people and build those relationships. That's something that drew me to foster care. Not only are you investing your time, you're investing in a whole family."

The decision to become foster parents revolutionized Buck and Stephanie's lives. They'd never spent much time around infants. Their first placement was a baby girl. In the first 12 hours, Stephanie became ill, and Buck went from never having changed a diaper to a temporarily solo dad. Holding her in his arms, Buck began considering fatherhood seriously for the first time. The couple had committed to fostering children; looking in her eyes, he began contemplating adoption in the future.

Life is precious and beautiful, the couple agrees. Each person needs to be nurtured and cared for. In the environment, young people can overcome the scars they've experienced. They blossom into the people God created them to be. The road there is difficult and often uneven, but it's one that can be travelled with the help of trusted guides. In that respect, the Baskins quickly note they have help in this process, namely supportive a supportive family, friends and congregation -- LakePointe Church's satellite campus in Mesquite.

"Kids are resilient," said Buck, a Dallas Baptist University alum. "If you give them the love and attention they need, they will heal. Someone has to fight for them."

If life is to be cherished, every person should be as well -- at every step of their lives, Stephanie said. Regardless of the decisions people make, they are people created by God. They are people Christ cares about. He gave His life for each individual.

"When I hear life, I think pro-life, she said. "My big thing with that is you have to be pro all of life, all aspects of life. If you're going to ask a mom to chose life, you have to follow her through all the big decisions. Life is more than when kids are little."

In December, those thoughts about adoption became something more. Another young girl had been placed in the Baskins' care. She captured the couple's heart. Stephanie and Buck bonded with Niki Jo. The timing was right. During a ceremony at the Tarrant County Courthouse filled with adoptive families, smiles and hugs, Niki Jo became a Baskin.

In January, the Baskins hope to give her a big brother. They're hoping to adopt a 21-month-old who they also have been fostering. At the end of that process, the Baskins will have two children of two different cultural backgrounds. The Baskins' ethnicity adds a third culture to the mix.

"Family doesn't have to be what we think it is -- perfect home, perfect economic level," Buck said. "It doesn't have to look like we think it does. As long as someone cares about them and are taking care of them, that's all that matters."

It's been quite a journey for a couple who once thought they didn't want to be parents. Now preschool toys are neatly scattered through their house. Artwork with small handprints hangs in their den. A photo of the family rests next to a couch, the frame proclaiming "Hugs welcome here."

Only God knows who next will be placed in the Baskins' care. The couple will continue fostering children. No matter who it is, the words in the frame will remain true.

"This really is my ministry," Stephanie said. "Until God provides something else and leads somewhere else, this is where I'm going to invest my time and talents."

It's a boy .... and a girl!

Yes you read that correctly.  Buck and I got official word last week that we are getting to adopt the littlest guy in our home as well.  We are super excited!  Although he does not have an official adoption date as of now we are hoping to finalize his adoption by the end of the year (however we know how CPS works and are guessing the beginning of the year is more likely).

What a year we have had!  As a reflected on what the last year at our house has looked like I remember, sadness, pain, uncertainty, happiness, and now a newness.  Buck and I often laugh about  how this is not what we ever imagined when we began our foster care journey.  We never thought adoption.  It's hard not to consider it though after you have little ones placed in your home.  We are as I have told many, adopting because we are foster parents!  And when I think about both of these precious children and how they were brought to our home, I can only thank God for his hand in every part of their journey to the Baskin house.  What a blessing to be able to share their story with them as they grow older.

It's been a joy to share this with our friends and family who have traveled down the foster care journey with us.  They are just as excited as us!!!  However we do get asked if we are done now.  My answer is no!  We are happy to grow our family but we also know God has purpose for us.  There is a job to be done and children who need a place to live, children who come from hard places.  So after a break (once everything is finalized) we will start again.  And who knows maybe there are more adoptions in our future....but for sure there are more kids to be loved, who need healing, who need a home.

We thank you for your prayers and ask for you to continue to pray for kids in the system and specifically for the oldest in our home.  He is hurting.  And also for us as we blend together two 1 year olds of different races, different stories, different families to become one family.  One perfect family for us!

Pictures to come soon once everyone is a Baskin, I promise!!!!!

New news

With the summer coming to a close and the beginning of school just around the corner, I wanted to share an update on our kiddos.  I rarely share these because as soon as we get one they usually change.

First, good news for us!  The littlest in our crew, a now 14 month old girl  has an adoption date set with us!  After her parents relinquished their rights there is a 90 day waiting period to see if anyone will appeal the decision.   We went to court in July and the Judge told us that she does not feel there is any reason for us to worry about the appeal period and set us an adoption date for November 22 which happens to be National Adoption Day!!!  We are so excited but still taking it a day at time as we know there are many things, specifically paperwork that has to occur before we can make this all happen.  However we are so thankful to have made it this far with her and are trusting God that the rest will fall into place.

Our littlest boy has court in August.  We will know more about his case then.  Until we know we are loving his laughter, watching him grow and of course  helping him develop his natural pitching arm! :)

The oldest in our home has had a few rough weeks with some rough news so if you remember please pray for his little heart as he processes what is going on.  He is so ready to start school and is becoming more inquisitive each day.  He doesn't even stop between questions for us to answer him :)

I hope all of you are enjoying what is left of your summer!  I have enjoyed having my whole family home but I am looking forward to the school year starting.  We can't wait for the football/volleyball games (go Poteet Pirates), cooler weather, Buck turning 30, and so much more that this new school year brings!